Not sure what’s going on here, but we’re going to dive right in to this blood curdling harmonic double-neck guitar solo and see what happens. Welcome to this fine bottle of DEATH METAL RED, Vol 1. The mysterious rainbow unicorn must know things.. dark things.. metal things. Who are we to judge? I must find out what secrets are underneath the cork! But wait, it’s a screw top, MADE OF METAL.
I have to admit I gave it a few deep sniffs before pouring a glass. I mean other than that fact that I found it in the wine section, it’s not really clear what’s in the bottle. Magic unicorn pee? Bravely I push forward on my quest, and begin.
Much like death metal, it’s complicated, heavy, and very (very) gritty. I can’t quite place what grape family it belongs in, so let’s go with “red blend”… as in BLEND THIS WINE WITH BLOOOOOOOOOOD. It’s extremely earthy, and has a bit of a burnt wood and smoke vibe going on. Like if you burn down a church, and then steal the communion wine from the ashes. It’s real evil, and definitely one of the more unique wines in the cellar.
Suitable pairings would be dead red meat animals, dark chocolate, unicorn flank, and perhaps a nice loaf of brie. Honestly though just toss on a Cannibal Corpse album and enjoy the bottle by it’s self. It’s worth it.
I was skeptical of the Death Metal Red, Vol. 1, but after a few glasses I’m turning it up to 11 and totally in to it. Bang your head until your dead, and thanks for listening to my demo -The Dark Wino